the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
