I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
