It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
