I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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