Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
