Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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