hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
