im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
