The maid of honor just puked.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
