OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
