i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
