So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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