For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
