I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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