Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
