Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
