would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
