He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
