i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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