my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
