I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
