is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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