1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
