I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
