I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
