So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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