I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
