I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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