So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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