he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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