he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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