dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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