Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
