I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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