So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
