No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
