Whod you bang
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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