i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
