Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize