My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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