Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
