20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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