Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't turn off my feet"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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