Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
