On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
