I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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