You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
