after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's official drugs can't kill me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
