the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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