You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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