You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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