apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
