idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
