you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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