69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
