nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
