all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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