he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
