I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
love makes seman taste better
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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