i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
