weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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