I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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