During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
