I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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