two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
