so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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