Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
