well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
