why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
