I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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