So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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