When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
