I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
