New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
