her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
