he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
