I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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