i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
