if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
