I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
