Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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