He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize