thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
