i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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