My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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