u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
