Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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