Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
