You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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